Cooking and (basic) sewing. These are basic life skills needed for any level of independent living, yet so many are proud to be utterly incapable of either.

As a male?

• Empathy
• Compassion
• Basic human decency

I’m being horribly cynical, obviously - it’s not that all males lack it, it’s that the humans in the world who lack it the most are ALL MALE

I dunno, I’ve kinda lost track of what is and isn’t gender expected in terms of “mandatory” skills, and when it comes to hobbies, there’s only a few that I’ve ever thought of as being outside of traditional options.

But, yeah, like the example given, I’ve always been able to sew to some degree or another. My hands don’t let me hand sew big projects any more, but still know how to.

I’m also okay with decorative needlework like cross stitching, and embroidery. Cross stitch was absolutely a gender norm for women on my mom’s side of my family, but some boys of my generation picked it up. Embroidery, I picked up in art classes in jr high school and just enjoyed enough to keep at it.

Crochet and knitting were also a women’s craft/hobby on that side, and I tried my hand at both. Didn’t like knitting much, but crochet was a nice thing. Kinda stopped fucking with it after I moved out on my own though. Not much use for it, so it was pure hobby and I had other things I’d prefer spending money on.

On my dad’s side, sewing was about women’s work, but everyone knew enough to patch up a torn shirt or replace a button. My grandmother was a quilter and prone to making her own clothes. I learned a little of both from her.

Both grandmothers were good with a sewing machine, as was my mom. We had a machine when I was growing up, and my mom would make clothes. So I was fairly freely able to experiment with one. Never really got into it, but I can still turn out wearable items, as long as you don’t expect high fashion or expert stitching. Like, my hems are crooked as a politician, but the clothes will fit okay enough.

Truth be told, my mom’s side of the family didn’t really care about gendered interest limits. Us kids were always allowed to at least try things out, and were expected to help with any tasks on demand. My sister can do some basic woodworking. One of my cousins played american football in high school, the only girl in her state at the time. All of the women except my grandmother can/could change tires and oil. And all of the boys can handle normal housework and cooking, and some of us played with dolls and such.

There weren’t any hard lines drawn. Yeah, our grandparents stayed along pretty traditional lines, but they would teach any of us what we were interested in, plus helped make sure we could all handle basic necessities. The only real limitations were that most of the adults had similar interests, so we could only pick things up they knew about. You wanted to learn outdoorsy stuff, you could get a dozen people teaching you. You wanted to learn about repairing electronics, good luck unless it was old electronics (my grandfather did some of that in the Navy before he became an officer, but that way in the sixties lol).

But, yeah, I’m always amazed when guys can’t even sew a button on their shirt. I carry a small sewing kit with me in my day bag, and an even smaller kit in my pocket organizer. Like, it’s a life skill, you need to know this shit, it isn’t just for women.

What’s really funny in that regard is a guy I used to know. He’d crack jokes about my sewing kit, but dude worked with leather. And he’d sew leather as part of that. But he would say, “yeah, but it’s leather. That’s for men. Cloth is for women, dude.”

As a man, I’ve found this applies to almost any traditionally* feminine activity.

• “Traditional” is a red herring, quagmire, and propagandum with gender roles. What is “traditional” for men vs women shifts around over time and place, and within cultures and subcultures. I actually mean something like “hegemonic” or “stereotypical within your specific cultural milieu.”

I don’t require assistance to change a tire. I like to play with power tools. I do the fixit jobs around the house and know how all the systems function. I can hook up my camper to the truck by myself and I prefer to get a back in spot at the campground.

I do not have tits, but I understand bra sizing and frequently have to advocate for women in my life to go get a proper sizing. I’m baffled by how women can wear a shitty bra for decades but know their measurements in every shingle companies arbitrary standards.

• Laundry
• Sewing and garment repair
• Simple hand tools
• Troubleshooting and repair of frequently used devices (cars, computers, bicycles, etc.)
• Cooking, eating healthy, and packing a lunch
• Basic medicine (symptom identification, when do you need to seek immediate help, first-responder training)
• Self defense and de-escalation
• Consent and how to be clear with your desires and intentions
• Communication and being understood
• Emotional health and understanding your own feelings and how to handle then in a healthy way
• Addiction, negative feedback loops, obsession and how to avoid becoming a victim of them
• How to exercise and maintain a healthy body
• Dishes
• Learning how your own mind works and how to work with it. (Rewards, pitfalls, living with ADHD, etc.)

More connected to nature? It’s called mother nature for good reasons… However, I would like to see more male friends see how powerfull plants and nature can be !

Plants and foraging knowledge FTW !

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